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Welcome back, Jonathan Lee Riches

turkey.jpgMr. Riches, a South Carolina inmate, is probably QuizLaw’s favorite prisoner. You might remember him as the plaintiff behind such handwritten lawsuits as the one accusing Michael Vick of identity theft and a missiles-to-Iran conspiracy and the suit which listed 57 pages of defendants, including Skittles and the Liberty Bell. Well Mr. Riches is back in court, this time suing Martha Stewart.

The complaint (which is handwritten, natch) is on the short side for Riches, coming in at a mere two pages. He claims that he tried to buy a $3.5 million estate belonging to Martha earlier this year (a purchase he was prepared to make with pennies!), but couldn’t complete the deal because the property was “full of deception.”

He claims the real estate listing for the property falsely claimed it was painted with Dutch Boy paint. The suit also states that while touring the property (although records indicate he would have been in incarcerated at the time) Riches contracted poison ivy, was scratched by pricker bushes and fell in a groundhog hole.

But better than any of that, he also claims that Karl Rove was working on the estate as Martha’s gardener. And better than that, Lee claims that “he saw Stewart’s turkeys playing football with Vick’s jerseys and that the birds attacked him.”

All of this allegedly caused Riches “emotional, mental, [and] psychological distress” and he’d like $3.5 million for his troubles. But say what you will about Riches, he’s nothing if not a philanthropist - his lawsuit says that he’ll donate any damages he wins to Rachael Ray.

I seriously love this guy.

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Comments

i love him, too... can we get a bio on him?
looking forward to his next move!