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To the Extreme …

iceSPLASH1104_228x330.jpgYou hear that bass line, y’all. The one that sounds suspiciously like David Bowie’s “Under Pressure.” It’s getting louder. Louder. LOUDER! Dum dum dum da da dum dum!

That’s Robert Van Winkle on the comeback trail. He’s huffing. He’s puffing. He’s rumbling and bumbling. He’s …

What? He assaulted his wife?

The 40-year-old, whose real name is Robert Van Winkle, was arrested for domestic battery after his wife Laura Van Winkle made an emergency call to police claiming that he was hitting and kicking her. (Source)

He wasn’t “hitting and kicking”! Those were Vanilla Ice’s new dance moves. He’s back — and those are his brand new inventions — he’s flowing like a harpoon daily and nightly! Rocking the mic like a vandal! Come on, Laura — you should’ve known when you married him that he was deadly when he plays a dope melody. Love it or leave it, you better gain weight. He’s goes crazy when he hears a cymbal! Did you play a cymbal?

Oh, hell: Damnit Vanilla Ice. You’re just another wife-beating “thug.” Your brain is dead, like a poisonous mushroom. Douchebag.

(Crossposted from Webster’s is my Bitch)

| Comments (4)


That's a serious wonk-eye my brutha. What causes that? I do wonder.

To be fair, Under Pressure was only half Bowie's. The other half belonged to Queen.

And, oh my god. Vanilla is one chipped tooth away from looking like Lloyd Christmas!


It's Queen featuring David Bowie. As in you can find it on Queen's greatest hits.

Your wrong about Under Pressure. Theres is dum du du d-d du du.

Ours is dum du du d-d du du DUM DUM du du d-d du du