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This Is Why They Should Hand Out Abortions with Packs of Cigarettes

choildsmoking.jpgI have no idea how it happened, but a couple of days ago, when I got home from a car trip where my 10-month old son was being unusually quiet in his car seat, I went to the backseat to let him out and discovered he’d somehow found a tea bag and started chewing on it. He’d only managed to ingest a few tea leaves, but man: I felt like a dipshit parent.

I feel better now:

Two women were arrested at a Greenfield Ponderosa restaurant after allowing a 2-year-old to smoke. According to police: The boy’s 26-year-old mother and 39-year-old aunt were eating at the restaurant last week, when they held a cigarette up to the boy’s mouth and attempted to light it.
The aunt told police that the boy often says “smoke, smoke” and sometimes takes cigarettes out of the pack and puts them in his mouth. The aunt said the mother keeps a rolled up dollar bill in the bedroom, which the child plays with. Anytime the boy has the dollar bill he holds it up to his nose and says, “fix, fix” over and over again.

“Bob Barker signing off, saying ‘Please don’t forget to spay or neuter your White Trash.’”

| Comments (7)


Several years ago, I saw something similar in the airport in Louisville, Kentucky, when smoking was still allowed in designated areas. A two- or three-year-old child gestured to the accompanying adult for a puff AND HE GAVE IT TO HER. I had to leave before I caused an incident.

Hmm...what's the mom doing with a rolled up dollar bill in her room?

When my oldest was about two, I lifted her up on my shoulders and her head hit a low hanging sign. She has since went on to get a full scholarship at Drexel University and has excelled as an ICU nurse at Childrens Hospital Of Philadelphia. Don't worry so much. Nobody is the perfect parent. That's why the job is so tough. You're doing fine Dustin.

PS, Did I mention she has this annoying habit of glancing upward alot?

Wow, and I thought people were scandalized when my dad tells the story of when my sister was three and sneaked up behind him in the backyard, grabbing his beer and chugging before he noticed. He didn't realize it till he heard her chortles of glee echoing in the pewter mug. Or when he was little, he horrified his nurse by asking for his nightly beer and peanuts. Yeah, we're Irish, why do you ask?

Oh, and my dad once accidentally burned the same sister with a cigar and then when he was tossing her in the air to make her feel better (she loved it, I swear), he hit her on the ceiling fan.

My grandmother used to to tell us with this annoying lilt "just cuz we're Irish doesn't mean we're not as good as anybody else" How fucked up is that?

Hey Seth;

I meant to tell you that if you ever wonder whether you're in the right profession, reread the comment you made on what my douchebaggery turns on vis a vis my son in law. It was fucking perfect.