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This case has everything!

believe.jpgSeriously - cyborgs, conspiracies, Bill Clinton, telepathy, Ross Perot, bloodsports, NASA, breeding farms…what the hell else could you possibly want from a case?

A big hat tip to Sui Generis, who brings the 1993 case of Tyler v. Carter to our attention. The Carter in the case’s title would be former President Jimmy Carter. Also named as defendants? Among others, former President Bill Clinton, Presidential-wannabe Ross Perot, IBM and NASA. What’s the beef with all these folks?

Well according to one Teri Smith Tyler, they were all involved in a massive global conspiracy that would put “The X-Files” to shame. Apparently, this conspiracy wanted to re-institutionalize slavery in the U.S. They also wanted to establish “bloodsports,” where teams of pimps and their women would chase down black women to force them into sexual slavery, sometimes with the paid help of the woman’s family. In support of this claim, Tyler claims that then-Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney explicitly told her that these bloodsports came about because: “we were so sick and tired of killing black girls. We just had to put some variety back into our death-hunting industry…I know of no higher pleasure than the gang-rape of exceedingly beautiful people.”

xfiles.jpgTyler also claimed that Clinton ordered the first WTC attacks so that he’d be justified in invading Iraq and that the U.S. went after Noriega because Noriega was taking issue with the U.S. turning children of Central American Indian tribes into sex slaves.

Now, you may be asking yourself how Tyler was able to be the Fox Mulder who blew this conspiracy wide-open? The answer’s quite simple really….

Because she was a cyborg, of course.

With telepathic capabilities, allowing her to receive so-called “proteus” communications.

It’s a short opinion, and to get the full flavor of things you really should just read it for yourself.

But if you must know right now, here’s how it turned out. Surprisingly, the Court chose to throw Ms. Tyler’s case out sua sponte (that is, of its own volition). It would seem that the Court found Tyler’s claims to be frivolous and that these “fantastic or delusional” claims simply did not warrant wasting judicial resources.

I gotta’ say, I’m almost with the Court on all of this. But that claim about Cheney just doesn’t ring as wholly impossible.