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These stories never cease to amuse me

Mxyzptlk.jpgAdrian, Michigan is where we find Frank Kozumplik.

…Kozumplik? Isn’t that the imp from the fifth dimension who fucks with Superman until Supes can trick him into saying his name backwards?

Anyway, Kozumplik loves him some booze. Specifically, wine. And after tossing back two bottles of wine, what’s a drunk to do when he needs more wine? Why, hop onto his lawn mower and try to get to the liquor store, that’s what.

And Kozumplik did, indeed, get to the booze store. But on his way back, lawn mowing his way through a snowstorm, the cops busted him, four bottles of wine in tow. Kozumplik said he had to take the mower because his wife had the car. Which is a fair point. But that didn’t get him out of a DUI arrest anyway.

QuizLaw’s crack investigative team has learned the truth behind this story, however. Kozumplik’s wife didn’t have the car. That was just his cover because he was embarrassed by the truth. Which is that Superman actually stole the car, hoping for this very outcome. He’s crafty, that man from Krypton.

| Comments (4)


didn't some country singer do this a long time ago? But I think that was better, with lots of cop cars and sirens and all....

yes, let's not forget George Jones started this trend LONG ago

There's a drunk in my old hometown named Turtle that can be seen on almost any given day on his trusty red mower, picking up a bottle of Kentucky Deluxe, the blades spewing dirt and gravel all over the street. For real.

Thanks, Agnes, I couldn't remember his name and too lazy to Google it.