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Suck It, Fred Phelps. Suck It Long. And Suck It Hard.

fred_phelps.jpgThis may be the best legal news I’ve seen in months — maybe years. Maybe since motherfucking Roe v. Wade, which I wasn’t old enough to appreciate. This, however, I appreciate immensely. I’m writing this with a cavernous, tooth-to-tooth grin.

A jury has just awarded an $11 million judgment to a man who sued motherfucking Fred Phelps and the motherfucking Westboro Baptist Church for picketing his son’s funeral. You know their shtick: They stand outside military funerals with picket signs that say, “Thank God for Dead Soldiers,” and “God Hates Fags,” because they’re under the crazy-ass delusion that the Iraq war is America’s punishment for tolerating homosexuality. Well, this is your punishment, Fred Phelps, for being a blight on humanity, a scum-sucking, shit-eating cum stain on American society. You hateful little bitch.

The best part: The church can’t even afford $11 million, which may just mean it’ll have to shutter its doors. Good riddance, fuckstick. I hope you choke on a turd and die. If there’s anyone — anyone — that God actually hates, its you and your pissant little family. God bless the jury system — they screw a lot of things up, but I’m proud as hell of them today.

Damn, I hope someone finds it in their heart to stick a red-hot pocker up Phelps’ ass until he can feel it tickle his uvula. And then I hope they jam it through the roof of his mouth and puncture his goddamn skull. I don’t believe in the death penalty, but I believe in the long, agonizing torture and death of Fred Phelps. Amen and pass the ammunition.

| Comments (23)


Good thing this site doesn't also have audio.

Hurrah for rationality! This is the best news I've heard well, as you said, ever.

This is better than all the gay Republicans they can throw at us. I'm not even American and this makes me happier than a pig in shit. Asshats like this pulled that BS at a friend's funeral after he was killed in Iraq waaaay back when this whole mess began...Given that pretty much everyone there was Canadian I was shocked that there wasn't a fight. I personally wanted to shove one of the signs up their asses.

amen amen amen...they can burn in hell with the warren jeffs and his crew.

I hope Phelps is the only tenant in the Hell he proscribes for so many others. He created it, let him live there. Actually, I think he just one more sad case of "look at Me!" I wonder if he can find enough gullible fools to refill his coffers. If the rest of that universe is any indication, he probably can. Preying (praying for ?)the fears and hopes of the poorly raised (minds, not cash), is a multi-million dollar media money maker opportunity for religion draped predators.

"Those who claim to know the Truth are Very Irritating to those of us who do."

Douglas Keachie


While I share your loathing of Mr. Phelps, there is the small matter of the Bill of Rights. How do you square this with Falwell v. Hustler? (I think the jury was given an instruction that the defendant's conduct was not protected by the 1 Am. because it was so bad.) ...this is a legal blog, after all.

I don't claim to know the fine details of Con Law on this point, but it should square with the Bill of Rights the same way any other tort theory based on someone's speech would. Many theories of infliction of emotional distress are based on the defendant's speech.

Plus, there could be plenty of details about this particular case that take it beyond pure political speech -- if the picketers taunted the mourners to their faces, that's well beyond protected conduct and into the arena of "fighting words," which can be the basis for a tort suit. There could have been invasion of privacy theories -- all sorts of things.

Oh, and Fred: Enjoy Satan's salty, burning penis.

This is great goddamn news.

Handclaps and cake for the jury.

Just when I thought there was no hope for people in this country, they pull something like this. How can I be embittered about the plight of humanity when such a severe strike against asshat-ism has been made?

Whoa. I agree with you wholeheartedly, but WHOA.

I would argue that the actions of Fred & his fellow gobshites constitutes assault on the mourners. Such menacing and irrational behavior directed towards grieving people could certainly put them in fear for their personal safety.

I'm a little disturbed that I found "Damn, I hope someone finds it in their heart to stick a red-hot pocker up Phelps’ ass until he can feel it tickle his uvula. And then I hope they jam it through the roof of his mouth and puncture his goddamn skull" so amusing that it made me laugh aloud at work.

I have been lucky enough to have Fred Phelps yell at me, personally, twice. And call me 'harlot', 'jew lover', 'f*g hag', etc.

Pleasant man.

Hey, give the Supremes' judgement on the Bong Hits for Jesus case, it's about time the free speech exclusions were used to hurt some right wing thinking.


So I guess this post is why my job's internet filter blocked this site for "pornography." Brilliant.

As far as I know, this isn't strictly a free-speech issue since it wasn't in a public venue. Cemeteries are privately owned, and funeral services are typically regarded as private functions. Add to this the fact that Phelps and his cronies set out to deliberately disturb a private, emotionally sensitive, function on private property with the sole intent of creating an emotional disturbance and you get pretty close to shouting fire in a crowded theater anyway.

That's just my first-impression, high-altitude pass over the situation, but I'm pretty sure you couldn't go to a funeral of a black man and hold signs calling the deceased a nigger, for example.

Just for the record, everyone in attendance at Phelps' disgusting little "church" is somehow related to him (and the congregation is tiny). I live in Topeka and Phelps and his attention-seeking extended family picket the church I attend about every other week (he pickets many local churches). My kids have to walk by his nastiness at least once a month. The only people "filling his coffers" are his sick family. He is roundly detested by everyone here (conservatives, liberals, evangelicals, atheists--we can all agree on our dislike for Fred & Co.). He's the most wicked attention whore we've ever seen. You should check out his (and his daughters') smug comments to our local news media since the verdict came down. They're eating up all this attention. Bleck. We can only hope he has to shutter up his foul church. This city would love it if he just moved along already. Like Kansas needs any more bad publicity!

The Phelps are registered Democrats and were one of Al Gore's delegates, back in the day. Don't hand him around the right wing's neck.

He should have already been beat down.

Phreaky Phredd and his Phucked-up Phamily are scum, but they're even worse scum than you make them out to be, Dustin.

They don't believe the slok they spout at these "protests". Each "protest is carefully stage-managed to be horribly obnoxious but just barely legal, in hopes that decent humans nearby will attack the church members.

A lot of the WBC asshats are lawyers, and they routinely videotape their protests. They use these videotapes as evidence in lawsuits against the local government for failing to protect them in the exercise of their 1st Amendment rights. This scam is their sole source of revenue, and they make a pretty good living from it.

By all means, pile on the hate for WBC. But never forget that they're merely litigation tricksters- desperately hoping that people will continue to get pissed off at them so they can sue.

I hope this ruling survives the inevitable Appeals on 1st Amendment grounds, and Phreaky Phredd gets put out of business for a while. People like him deserve to be sued to smithereens. Here's hoping that every other grieving family WBC has antagonized by their "protests" sues Phelps & Co. Even if he wins the suits, the sheer quantity of legal activity ought to suck out WBC's lifeblood- money.

I'm anti-death penalty but for anyone in the WBC I make an exception.

Interesting observation by SoTired. Phelps' family tree probably looks like a flag pole. Right on, Dustin. All the way with a red hot poker.

Anybody noticed that WBC's web
site(godhatesfags.com)is down? Maybe it IS the beginning of the end for Phred Felps' cultish crew.