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Scattered, Smothered, and Spat Upon

wafflehouse.jpgToday, we have two stories that will turn your stomach and one in which someone’s stomach is revealed (along with some other naughty bits).

First, a Tennessee police officer is suing Waffle House and one of its cooks — the hilariously named Homer Disher — for $82,000. Why? Because the cook, after having received a warning from the officer during a traffic stop several weeks earlier, decided it’d be a good idea to spit in the officer’s hash browns. Note to the cop: I’ve spent many a late night in Waffle Houses and, if anything, a little saliva improves the quality and taste of their offerings.

In our second story, a Washington state man, Michael Patrick McPhail, 26, paid $20,000 in bail to get his release after being arrested on bestiality charges. McPhail’s wife, it seems, walked out onto her porch one night and caught her husband having sex with their four-year-old pit bull terrier. The wife quickly took photos with her cell phone and called the police. The dog in question was “squealing and crying” during the ordeal. McPhail was charged under a brand-spanking new law making it an offense to have sex with animals, enacted after a Seattle man died while having sex with a horse. The pit bull in question was taken by animal control and, presumably, offered a cigarette.

Finally, a California judge has dismissed charges against a woman for exposing herself to a neighbor kid. The woman in question, 40-year-old Alexis Luz Garcia, got fed up with a 14-year-old boy who wouldn’t stop playing basketball loudly next door. Garcia warned the kid to keep it down, and when he refused, she gave him a full frontal and warned that she would keep doing it as long he continued to bother her with that incessant basketball dribbling. The boy — clearly not impressed with Garcia’s figure — ran inside and told his mom, who reported the incident to the authorities, who promptly arrested her. The judge, however, dismissed the charge — which came with a possible year in prison and a requirement that she register as a sex offender for the rest of her life — because the statute in question only applied to someone who “exposes his person.” Because Garcia wasn’t a “him,” the charge was thrown out, despite protestations from the prosecution, who claimed that “his” was a typo. Clearly, the judge was more impressed with her figure than the boy was.