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QuizLaw dot com Officially Calls for the Resignation of Speaker Hastert

hastert.jpgRepresentative Mark Foley is a predator; a predator of the tender, nubile flesh of very young men with above average intelligence and access to a computer. It is clear from both his actions and electronic communications that Mr. Foley’s primary interest in these men is to elicit penis size, information pertaining to “cast fetishes,” and verbal previews of these boys’ masturbation habits. It is utterly despicable.

However, it has come to QuizLaw’s attention that Mr. Foley had ample justification for his predilections. He is, allegedly, an alcoholic, who has recently admitted himself into rehab. And, as everyone knows, all alcoholics are fond of young men; after a few drinks, incontrovertible scientific evidence suggests that alcoholics have no choice but to log on to their Instant Message accounts and ask boys — from ages 13-15 — if they use lotion while the masturbate. Moreover, Mr. Foley has now admitted that — as a child — he himself was molested by clergymen. Other studies commissioned by highly respectable institutions have also proven that teenagers who are molested by clergymen are 100 percent likely to attempt to molest other teenagers when they are in their 50s. This is a fact, no less certain than the theory behind relativity, the inevitability of death, and the unavoidable promiscuity of Paris Hilton. Therefore, we have no choice but to excuse Mr. Foley’s actions and behavior.

Nevertheless, we have also learned that the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Dennis Hastert, was clearly aware of the communications between Foley and at least one other page as early as late 2005. It is apparent, however, that Speaker Hastert took absolutely no action to remove this dangerous predator from Congress, specifically as the co-chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children. Moreover, Hastert attempted to keep the brewing scandal from the knowledge of Democrats, choosing to look in another direction (probably where a medium-rare steak was resting) instead of doing the only thing that was obvious to anyone: Take a hit out on Mr. Foley, bury him in the Vegas desert, and blame his disappearance on Democrats and homosexuals.

Yesterday morning, the conservative rag, the Washington Times, called on Speaker Hastert to resign. Unfortunately, Mr. Hastert did not heed the call of the Times, probably because it is generally ignored in political circles. Therefore, because of the political influence of QuizLaw, the power that we wield in D.C., and the significance of this scandal, we have no choice but to also call upon Speaker Hastert to resign, knowing as we do that our call to action will lead to his inevitable departure from Congress. This is not something we take lightly; we do not intend to abuse our power and influence. Unfortunately, we feel that — because no one listens to the Times — we simply had add a leading voice to the proceedings. So, go ahead, Hastert. Step on down. If you haven’t done so by this Friday, QuizLaw will have no choice but to call for your impeachment.

| Comments (4)


Comments

So should all of the democratic leadership that is still around from the days of Gerry Studds and Barney Franks resign because they knew about the malicious, illegal ongoings of two members of congress yet did nothing about it, even after it came to public light?

In no way do I condone what has happened, it is gross and I am glad a man like Foley is gone from congress. But being such a law-based site, shouldn't you either wait until more about what and who is revealed before shouting "off with his head" to anyone that might have had the slightest knowledge of malicious wrongdoings?

Cause it seems to me, a story that happened three years ago suddenly "coming out" a month before a rather large and important election is rather suspicious, and I would hope you write a follow article where you call for the heads of all those on the other side, or on any side, who knew before the rest of us. Cause apparently there were many.

Wah, wah, wah, is all I have to say to the republicans who claim all of the uproar over Foley is politically motivated. Considering these people claim to be the moral vanguard in America and the representatives of family values, why is it that no republicans appear to care AT ALL about the under age kids affected by Foley's salacious actions?!? The GOP simply gets on its High Rove Horse and claim political foul. Really what they look like are a cabal of power greedy manipulators. Way to make the voters more demoralized than they already are!

And for christ's sake can we PLEASE do something about the GOP and the Religious Right's innane insistance that pedophila and homosexuality are the same thing?!? Was this Rove's idea as well? Too bad most Americans won't care about the statistics showing that the majority of child predators are married heteros. What? Have to make an informed opionion? Ugh.

As always, kudos to QuizLaw!

again, I am not saying that what he did is condonable but...

it is coming out now that several of the "innapropriate" IMs were written after the kid was 18. Some before, some after. Since the age of consent is 17 in DC, technically what he did wasnt illegal.

Gross and fucked up, but he played by the same rules as the democrats.

I'd like to point out that just because someone is married doesn't make them hetero. If you're saying they are hetero because they prey on members of the opposite sex then fine, but marriage has nothing to do with sexuality.