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Preparing America’s School Children for Absolutism
Out in Libertyville, Ill., the Community High School Board voted unanimously this week to require all students participating in extracurricular activities to sign a pledge agreeing that any evidence of “illegal or inappropriate behavior” found on the Internet can provide grounds for disciplinary action. According to school officials, about 80 percent of the students participate in extracurricular activities.
Despite issues surrounding: (1) the fact that the school board is extending its oversight outside the bounds of the physical school grounds; (2) the unconstitutional punishment of free speech; and (3) the ambiguity with regard to what constitutes “inappropriate behavior,” we here at QuizLaw fully support this regulation.
Indeed, in light of the NSA wiretapping scandal and the fact that the government is now collecting our phone records, we believe that a regulation like the one passed by the Community High School Board is absolutely critical if high schoolers are going to be prepared to enter the real world. Hell, why should we stop with depriving students of their First Amendment rights to talk shit about their teachers? We should pass more rules, extending subpoena powers to yearbook staff members; encouraging steroid use amongst high-school athletes; promoting the over-consumption of oil; and patrolling school district lines to ensure that undesirables aren’t allowed in. We can do better, America. Our children simply aren’t prepared to live in our society yet, and we here at QuizLaw won’t be satisfied until the nation’s children are sequestered offshore and tortured to within an inch of their lives for chewing gum in class.
Community High School: We salute you.
