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Penis Print Bandit Holstered

41E79RTWTSL._SL500_AA280_.jpgWhat kind of guy leaves penis prints around town? That’s just weird. From the Smoking Gun:

Nebraska’s notorious “butt bandit” was charged today with a public indecency spree in which he allegedly lathered his private parts in baby lotion and then left “butt and penis prints on local business windows” in the city of Valentine. Thomas Larvie, named today in a nine-count misdemeanor criminal complaint, was arrested last Wednesday after Officer Dana Miller spotted him “trying to hide in the shadows” near a parking lot. A detailed (and gross) probable cause affidavit, a copy of which you’ll here, notes that Larvie, 35, was wearing a handkerchief over his face and had a 16.5 ounce bottle of “Baby Magic Baby Lotion” in his pants pocket when approached by Miller at around 3:30 AM.
Oh, and Larvie’s “erect penis was partially protruding” from his unzipped pants. A subsequent police investigation determined that eight Valentine businesses—including the post office, a livestock firm, and a pharmacy—had been left with butt and/or penis prints on their doors and windows. Some of the firms also had pages from a pornographic magazine stuck on the exterior of their premises. Jay Hollenbeck’s Farm Bureau was hit particularly hard, with “penis prints on a west window, a butt and penis print on a south window, a penis print on a west window, and a penis print on the door.”

To what end does this man rub his privates in baby lotion and smear his genitalia prints on windows? Well, at least he has a hobby. It’s good to have a hobby.