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No. Really. I Was Just Adjusting My Pants. Vigorously.

0,,6355448,00.jpgYou hear about airplane sexual shenanigans a lot (in fact, an episode of “Entourage” this season centered on an airplane hand-job), but what I want to know is: How do you get away with that shit? There’s no where you can go on a plane where you’re not in view of at least a few people, besides the bathroom, but really, what two people can actually manage to monkey-bone in one of those tiny lavatories without getting a sink handle stuck in the wrong entry?

For example, take this guy — Lucas Steven Knudson — who claims he was just adjusting his pants, which were too tight. Adjusting his pants for four minutes. Adjusting his pants with his eyes rolled back in his head. Adjusting his pants with his toes curled.

Uh huh.

The Darwin Magistrates Court yesterday was told Knudson, 32, had just landed on board Virgin Blue flight DJ449 from Brisbane when he was escorted off the plane by Australian Federal Police after masturbating for “maybe four minutes” underneath his tray table in view of mother-of-two Simone Holt.
The court heard the man - wearing jeans, a flannelette shirt, white socks and thongs - told airport officers her story was “bull——”.
But the two police officers who spoke to him after the midnight flight on April 11 said his jeans were not “overly tight”.
After a two-hour hearing, magistrate Tanya Fong Lim found Knudson, from the northern NSW town of Ballina, guilty of committing an indecent act on the plane under the Commonwealth Crimes Aviation Act.
Ms Holt, from Kununurra in the northwest of WA, was emotional as she told the court she awoke about three hours into the flight to see Knudson masturbating.
The teacher’s aide said she was seated on a window seat in row 11 with no one between her and Knudson in the aisle seat - and he was shielding his activity from other passengers and flight attendants on the other side with his shirt.
Ms Holt said she turned her reading light on to indicate she was awake and he “should cease” the act.
She said he did stop “somewhat” but left his genitals exposed outside of his jeans.

Man alive: That is not how you wanna wake up during a flight. With some guy’s brain peering out at you. Here’s a suggestion: Adjust your jeans at home, you sick asshole.

| Comments (4)


"...in view of mother-of-two Simone Holt."

I don't get it. Why does this matter? I see it all the time in news reports.

Are we supposed to be doubly shocked because this victim is a mother? I mean, really, if anyone sees disgusting displays of genitalia in just about asomeone with a couple of kids.

As a brief aside: I have friends in that area, not right in Ballina, but in one of the many hippie communities nearby. I once bought a pair of surf trousers at the Ballina St Vincent de Paul Charity Shop. I found them roomy and comfortable. True story.

...the man - wearing jeans, a flannelette shirt, white socks and thongs...

He should also get additional charges for the fashion crime of wearing socks with sandals, eww!

but what I want to know is: How do you get away with that shit?

With discipline and determination. At night they dim the lights, and if there isn't anyone else in the middle seat then no one really pays attention if your girl puts up the armrests and stretches out with her head in your lap. And if she pulls that airplane blanket up over her head, well...lights out.

Makes one wonder what he was doing the other 3 hours of the flight before she woke up.