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Night of the Living Fat-Ass
I don’t know how familiar many of you are with the apocalyptic zombie genre, created and popularized by George Romero and John Russo in Night of the Living Dead and the subsequent Dead movies. Basically, in these zombie films, a couple of folks get infected, spread their zombie cooties to others, and entire cities become urban zombie communities — lands of the walking dead, if you will. For whatever reason, more times than not, screenwriters in these films always back themselves into a corner, creating entirely too many zombies for the dwindling heroes to fight off. So, at the end of most of these flicks, the National Guard is called in to lay waste to the cities and/or nuclear bombs are dropped, eradicating all trace of zombie-ness.
Well, apparently, the scriptwriters of the Iraq war (the Bush Administration) have also backed themselves into a corner — there are too many insurgents, the insurgency is growing, and our heroes are fighting a futile war. So, what’s Rush Limbaugh’s solution? The same as George Romero’s, actually: “Just blow the place up.”
All right, well, let’s just have them. Let’s just have the civil wars and let the crumbs crumble and the cookie crumble where — because I’m fed up with this … Fine, just blow the place up. Just let these natural forces take place over there instead of trying to stop them, instead of trying to use — I just — sometimes natural force is going to happen. You’re going to have to let it take place. You can spend all the time you like with diplomacy, and you can spend all the time you want massaging these things with diplomatic — you’re just — you’re just delaying the inevitable.
But maybe the best quote in Limbaugh’s radio show that day was this:
I mean, everybody comes to us: ‘You got to fix this and you got to fix that.’ So we go and try to fix it, and our own people, Democrats and the left in our country do their best to sabotage our efforts, and then we get blamed for trying to clean up the messes that these people start.
Umm … I’m sorry. You get blamed for trying to clean up a mess that “these people start?” Actually, douchebag, we started that mess. Remember the Pottery Barn rule, popularized by Colin Powell before we went into Iraq?
‘You are going to be the proud owner of 25 million people,’ he told the president. ‘You will own all their hopes, aspirations, and problems. You’ll own it all.’ Privately, Powell and Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage called this the Pottery Barn rule: You break it, you own it.
Well, we own it now, Lim-bat. And since Iraq/Iran/Syria aren’t actually full of zombies, maybe we ought to try to find a way to fix it before we decide to just blow it all up.
