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Motion to Dismiss for Failure to State a Claim
Move over Melvin Belli, Bruce Lanitt, Johnnie Cochran, Mark Gerrogos, and Thomas Mesereau, there’s a new celebrity lawyer in town, and his name is … Gore.
Yeah. Former two-time Vice-President Al Gore is apparently being recruited by Lindsay Lohan to take up her legal cause against tabloids that are purportedly sullying her name, mostly by reporting the truth about her bar-hopping, coke-snorting, sexual dalliances.
In a Blackberry message sent to her lawyer, and later leaked to the press, Lohan writes:
People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all. But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let’s sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I’d really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people.
Aside from the belief that Al Gore would give a shit about the star of Just My Luck, I just love that the half-literate nit-wit starlet wants to sue the tabloids for “illegal accusations” of which she is “not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are.” Personally, I’m just excited about reading the 12(b)6 motion: “Your honor. We respectfully request that you dismiss this case for failure to make a lick of fucking sense.”
Let’s see Al Gore litigate that.
Comments
What is really sad about this is that she is pretty representative of people her age (having taught many of them at an unnamed university). She is, afterall, a product of our public school system; shouldn't someone be asking how she got through high school without being about to write a sentence?
Posted by Tammy | December 8, 2006 6:32 PM