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Mmmm … Sock.

wi20010401_FyvushFinkel_Granitz_163750.jpgOne of the neatest — skeeviest — legal tricks* I ever learned came from David E. Kelley, back when he was writing “Picket Fences.” A man was pulled over for running over someone in his car, and the pull-over driver was shitfaced. Before police arrived, the driver ran into a neighboring house and called his lawyer, Douglas Wambaugh (the awesome Fyvush Finkel), and asked for advice. Knowing that the police officer would administer a breathalyzer, Wambaugh told his client to drink all the alcohol in the house that he could find and claim that he drank it because of the stress of the accident, thus rendering the breathalyzer’s results inaccurate. I don’t remember the outcome, but I suspect it worked.

Anyway, I wonder if a 19-year-old in Canada saw that episode before he was arrested for a DUI. The man was pulled over for suspicion of driving while intoxicated and arrested. However, while the officer was readying the breathalyzer test, the man reached into his pocket, pulled out his contact solution and drank it, along with a contact. Somehow, he then managed to eat portions of his shirt and socks before the police officer gave him a breakfast of pepper spray.

Of course, once he was taken in and placed in a holding cell, he still refused to take a breathalyzer, sticking his head into the toilet to avoid doing so. That’s a very determined drunk.

* Do not try at home.

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Comments

According to Mythbusters, supposedly the cotton from the shirt and socks would soak up the alcohol. It doesn't work, obviously, but that may have been the reason he did that.

"before the police officer gave him a breakfast of pepper spray."

I did a double-take on that line, and then laughed. Good form!