Meet John Taylor Bowles — Candidate for President
With the 2008 Presidential election right around the corner (throat clear), I decided to start doing a little research into potential candidates. Naturally, I like Barack, though he’s still unproven, and I dig Hillary, if only because she’s married to a home-state hero of mine. And, of course, there is Rudy and McCain — I’m not Republican, but if McCain ever returned to the guy he was in 2000, I’d consider him; and Guilianni, at least, is not a president that would finally provide the impetus for me to move to Canada.
But I knew there were other candidates out there vying for my vote, and I wanted to give them a shot. So I started snooping around, checking out the candidate pages. And then I came across John Taylor Bowles’ website. I’d never heard of him, but his campaign web page gave me a nice primer: He was born to patriotic parents in Maryland. He is a “fun-loving father of three daughters.” He’s a union guy, and he used to work for the Department of Agriculture. I’m intrigued. Tell me more.
His campaign platform starts out strong enough — “NO MORE DEBT! NO MORE WORKING LONG HOURS! NO MORE HIGH TAXES! NO MORE HIGH COLLEGE TUITION COSTS!” Well, clearly, he has a thing for all-caps; but that’s not enough, by itself, to disqualify him from getting my vote. Besides, he believes that every American should have “FREE HEALTHCARE, FREE COLLEGE EDUCATION, ZERO INTEREST MORTGAGES, DECENT PAYING JOBS, VERY LOW TAXES, CRIME FREE NEIGHBORHOODS, LOW GASOLINE PRICES, A HEALTHY SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM, AND TO BE ABLE TO HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO ENJOY LIFE!”
Hey — I want to be able to have enough time to enjoy life. I want a zero interest mortgage and crime-free neighborhoods. Bowles — you’re speaking my language. Oh … wait. Oh, shit. Er …what’s that? “HOW CAN THIS BE DONE? STOP WASTING WHITE TAXPAYER DOLLARS ON THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES, NO-WIN WARS, AND FOREIGN AID TO ISRAEL. WHITE TAXPAYER DOLLARS BELONG IN WHITE TAXPAYERS POCKETS!
What’s with all the WHITE, Bowles? You trying to tell me something here? Let’s look at his plan for America: “A sound education for every White child which will teach honesty, morality, and strength of character, and instill a sense of pride in the great heritage and traditions of the White Race.” Huh? Well, what’s your stand on stricter gun control? “I oppose any attempt to disarm law-abiding White citizens. Law abiding White citizens should have the right to carry a concealed firearm for protection from rampant black-on-white crime.” Black-on-white crime? What’s that about health care again? “Free health care for all White citizens.”
Dude — what about the black citizens? Or Hispanic citizens. What would you do for them, if you were President.
The very first thing I would do is sign an emergency Executive Order ordering all non-Whites to be respectfully transferred to their own racial homelands. Non-Whites would be reimbursed for their personal property and real property upon exiting the USA. I don’t believe any non-Whites would want to remain in the USA after this emergency Executive Order went into effect. American Indians would be allowed to remain in the USA on their own reservations and all treaties with them would be respected and honored. Also, non-Whites would be immediately removed from the USA military within 24 hours of being officially sworn in as President.
Oh, sorry I asked … ummm … I think I’m going to … er … Barack Obama for President!