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Incontrovertible Evidence that Growing Up Today Sucks More than Ever

What the hell is wrong with this country? It’s not enough that adults have to bring a lawsuit every time they spill a cup of coffee, that fat people have to blame Burger King when their blood turns to Velveeta, or that our Congressman are diddling the kiddies. Now we have to freakin’ micro-legislate the extra-curricular activities of elementary school kids?

Well, at least they do in Attleboro (addled borough), MA, where school officials have banned playground tag and other unsupervised chasing games. Those bitches. Sort of takes all the goddamn fun out of kiss-tag, doesn’t it? You take the chase out of it, and all you have left are nine-year-olds making out. What kind of fun is that?

According to the Boston Globe, this is just part of a growing trend in elementary schools, where “many principals are making up new rules in an atmosphere reflecting society’s increasingly cautious and litigious nature.” Indeed, many schools have already gotten rid of dodgeball because it’s too dangerous and exclusionary. Well, of course it is. How the hell are children supposed to learn humility unless they’re picked last and knocked out first time and time again? Humiliation begets character, goddamnit.

When I was a kid, we shot bottle rockets and BBs at each other. And if we got a BB caught in our spine, our parents made us keep it and walk around for the rest of our lives gimped. And when we had the occasional seizure, well, that was just a healthy reminder not to shoot BB guns at each other. I mean, what’s next? Banning Duck, Duck, Goose because it discriminates against Geese?

Posted by Dustin on October 18, 2006 | Comments (2)