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HuckaFuck ….

huckabee.jpgHere is a prime example of how Arkansas politics used to work: Back in 1993, after Clinton ascended to the presidency, then Lt. Gov. Jim Guy Tucker (real name) took his position as governor of the state, and a special election was scheduled for Lieutenant Governor. Seeing this as an opportunity to make a name for ourselves, me and this other senior in high school — virtually by ourselves — threw up some fliers, called the candidates, contacted the press, and threw together our own Lt. Gov. debate.

I think there were 11 guys running for the job, and seven actually arrived, though the candidates ultimately outnumbered those in attendance (the fliers failed us) — and one of the guys that showed up was Mike Huckabee, who would not only go on to win that election, but would serve two terms as Arkansas governor.

Having had the opportunity to meet Mike Huckabee on a few occasions, this is what I want to say about the Republican presidential candidate: You’ll never meet a nicer, warmer, more beguiling narrow-minded politico-freak. The guy really can work a room, and if you never listened to a word he said, you’d probably vote for him in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately, part of running for President requires that you speak in public. That’s where Huckabee has a tendency to shoot himself in the upper groin area. Take, for example, this exchange from an interview in Marie Claire :

Question: I read that you’re against miniskirts.

Answer: If a person dresses provocatively, they’re calling attention — maybe not the most desirable kind — to private parts of their body.

Q: What about a burka?

A: No, that hides everything. I think a person’s hair, arms, shoulders, legs are an appropriate display of who they are. I want people to be attracted to me because they find me interesting, not because I’m wearing something … well, I doubt I own anything provocative.

Q: How about a minskirt?

A: A thong.

And there you go, folks. We now know officially how Mike Huckabee stands on all the important issues: He’s pro-life, believes in intelligent design, thinks that school children should be graded on their weight, and he’s firmly against mini-skirts. And if you think that’s crazy — he’s also a huge believer in covenant marriage, for those of you who don’t think a legally binding contract isn’t legally binding enough

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Comments

Arkansas is the BEST place to draw presidents from. I went to school for a year at a Benedictine Catholic abbey/boarding school called Subiaco. It was attached to the tiny town of Subiaco. In Subiaco, there were 250 people and 2 last names. Seriously. You were a Frederick or a Schluterman. Those good folks were so in-bred that they would sometimes slip and fall because they stepped in a puddle of their own drool. Good times.