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Chuck Norris Doesn’t Sue - He Just Wraps His Thighs Around Your Head and Squeezes

chuck-norris.jpgActually, turns out that Mr. Norris prefers the more standard and official-like methods of dispute resolution. Last week, the man who played Walker (he’s a Texas Ranger, doncha know?) sued book publisher Penguin over its recent book “The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts about the World’s Greatest Human.” Norris says that this book disparages his reputation because he’s not, in fact, human — he’s superhuman.

Nah. He’s actually tweaked off because the book, based on the internet cult sensation compiling “facts” about Chuck, trades on his name and “celebrity.” The lawsuit also complains that “some of the ‘facts’ in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr. Norris as engaged in illegal activities.” So is he saying that “Guns don’t kill people — Chuck Norris kills people” isn’t true? I feel like I’ve been living a lie all these years.

But the real question is, do his tears actually cure cancer? Because, according to the recent I Am Legend, that means Chuck Norris could cause the end of civilization as we know it. So it’s actually quite a good thing that he doesn’t cry!

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I'm pretty sure that once sentence has been notified and final he'll go to the publisher and kill them all, to the last maintenance employee, with his bare hands.