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Christmas Cheer Drives Washington Bonkers

santa_drunk.gifThe state of Washington, hopped up on eggnog and Christmas cheer, went out of its mind over the Christmas holiday, as damn near the whole state went insane. In Olympia, a man disrupted traffic when he ran out into the freakin’ Interstate, tried to take off his pants, and ran around maniacally waving his belt, trying to open car doors and beat passengers. He was eventually subdued, however, when police officers arrived at the scene and shot him to death, after the Taser had no effect. The man, apparently, hadn’t slept for days.

Then, in South Kitsap, Washington, a 66-year-old man, unable to remove that final lug nut from his automobile’s tire, took out his shotgun and, from an arm’s length, tried to blow the sumbitch off. The results are what you’d expect: “The deputies described the man’s legs as ‘peppered’ from his feet to his mid-abdomen with pellets, pieces of the wheel and other debris. Some injuries went as far up as his chin.”

In Suquamish, a man got upset that his ex-girlfriend was dancing with another man, so the bastard 1) snatched $50 from her; 2) shoved her in the breasts, hours after she’d had her nipples pierced; 3) head butted her; and 4) then threatened to take away all her Christmas presents. Bastard.

But we’re not done yet; in Bremerton, a woman beat the hell out of her ex-boyfriend after he came home extremely drunk, and then got up in the middle of the night, but missed the toilet by half-a-mile and pissed in the closet.

This embarrassed him, she said, so he tried to leave. But she wouldn’t allow it. “I attacked him,” she told the officer, reports said. “He was so drunk that I beat the (stuff) out of him.” During the “wrestling,” as the man described it, she “repeatedly” kicked him in the face.

And if you’re looking for a reason for all the shenanigans in Washington, it probably has something to do with the crucified Santa a Bremerton man hung on a crucifix, in protest of the commercialism of Christmas. Apparently, Jesus is pissed, and he’s making folks crazy.

| Comments (4)


According to the first article, the man wasn't shot in Olympia, he was from Olympia. He was shot in Federal Way, Washington, which is about forty-five minutes away.

As a Washingtonian, just let me say how proud I am. *sigh*

I recently moved away from Washington, but I still keep up with the news. I usually blame such things on the weather and caffeine withdrawal.

This is all pretty bad, but the Christmas Eve murder of three generations of one family by a relative is the icing on the cake. Allegedly, a woman and her boyfriend who lived in Carnation, shot her parents, her brother and his wife and their two kids, aged 6 and 3. Horrible and inexplicable.

Wow. I guess they've started adding Crazy to the water since I moved away. Poor Washington!