BREAKING NEWS: Anarchy in the U.S.
Yesterday, in a surprising turn of events, Congress enacted a constitutional amendment via passage of the Anarchy Bill of 2006. This amendment has broad sweeping implications for the Federal Government. Among other things, as of 12:01 a.m. this morning:
1. The Supreme Court is to be turned into the Supreme Food Court, offering such delicacies as Scalia Scaloppini and the Alito Burrito.
2. All federal laws have been redacted and are now to be considered null and void.
3. The funds left in the federal Social Security program are to be donated to Bob & Cheetah’s House of Bongs.
4. In a surprising act of self-flagellation, all members of the House and Senate are required to spend the rest of their designated office term walking door-to-door and offering a personalized apology to each member of their constituency.
5. As his last act as President, Congress has authorized President Bush to act out his frustration at the fact that Egypt refused to install a McDonald’s inside the Sphynx by starting a second war in the Middle East.
6. April 29th has been established as National Global Warming Day, and children are encouraged to use freon in their water pistols.