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brb: my mom is yelling
You’ve got to be kidding me? No longer do those in disgrace seek absolution from their parishioners or by way of calculated apology, but by entering rehab?! Mel Gibson gets sloshed and blames an entire ethnic group for the travesties of the world. Robin Williams stops making decent films. And Mark Foley verbally molests 16-year-old boys. And how do each of these men mend their ways? By entering rehab, of course.
Indeed, three days after resigning from Congress, Mark Foley has admitted himself into an alcoholic rehabilitation center, under the apparent belief that Betty Ford can cure his pedophilia. Additionally, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez (who might wish to seek alcohol treatment himself for the sins he’s committed in relation to the detention center in Guantanamo Bay) has indicated he will open a criminal probe into Foley’s actions. And, of course, House Speaker Dennis Hastert— who is under suspicion for covering up concerns about Foley’s behavior — has decided that opening up his own investigation in the best way to cover his own ass.
Foley released the following statement before entering rehab: “Painfully, the events that led to my resignation have crystallized recognition of my longstanding significant alcohol and emotional difficulties. I strongly believe that I am an alcoholic and have accepted the need for immediate treatment for alcoholism and related behavioral problems.”
Actually, I’m semi-inclined to believe that Foley is, in fact, a drunk. If you check out the instant message transcripts to one of his pages, it’s difficult to believe that any educated man would litter his electronic conversations with so many typos, lest he was shit-faced. Just check out the spelling mistakes in this IM exchange. C’mon, Foley: Everyone knows it’s “spurting” into a towel and not “spirting,” and you “grab” his one-eyed monster, not “gram.” However, suggesting that you “have ‘aa’ totally stiff wood now” is weirdly prescient.
