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Bad boy, bad boys, whatcha gonna do


A play, in one part.

[We open on a police station in Erin, Tennessee. Police Chief Tommy Parchman walks towards his office door, to find it locked]

Parchman: Hey, what the?

Officer 1: Oh, morning chief.

Parchman: Whassup with the locked door and all these things?

Officer 1: You a bad man, sir.

Officer 2: Very bad man, sir.

Officer 1: We had to change the locks to your door, sir.

Officer 2: You’ve been accused of stealing money from the Toys for Tots donations to buy things for yourself, sir.

Officer 1: And we found porn on your office computer, sir.

Officer 2: Pictures of naked ladies, sir.

Officer 1: And sketchy e-mails, sir.

Officer 2: So we had to change the locks to your door, sir.

Parchman: Well this comes as quite a surprise.

Officers 1 and 2: [In unison] It was a surprise to us, too, sir!

Parchman: You know none of it’s true. It’s…it’s…politically motivated. Yessir, politics! This 10-year veteran is getting some peoples’ panties in a bunch and they want me out. So they’re trying to besmirch my good name with these stories of theft and porn. It’s a sham. A farce!

Officer 1: That may be, sir.

Officer 2: But we’re going to have to ask you to leave anyway, sir.

Parchman: Dang.