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helen-mirren-picture-1.jpgFirst Dumbledore is outed, now this. An elementary school librarian in Saskatchewan banned an award-winning children’s book because one character had been described as having “generous bazoongas,” instead of the much more stately choices of “gazongas,” “dirty pillows,” “handholds,” and, of course, “Tiddy Bear holders.”

For those sick bastards who might be curious, here is a little info on the offensive material:

Trouble on Tarragon Island is the third in the series set on a fictional Gulf Island in British Columbia. It features a 13-year-old girl named Heather Blake who wrestles with her feelings about her grandmother’s behaviour, which includes breaking the law to protest against clear-cut logging.
When the grandmother poses for a nude calendar as a fundraising gimmick, the girl becomes the target of schoolyard taunts.
“What they say about my grandmother is true,” the girl says. “She does have generous bazoongas, and all of Tarragon Island has seen them.”

I must say, that is quite distasteful. I do so hope they lock this purveyor of filth away. Who would think nude grandmothers and their giant John Cougar Mellon-camps are appropriate for children to read about? Unless the grandmother is Helen Mirren. She is a right old bird, and an Essex girl as well.

Yeah, I wouldn’t mind that at all. What’s that? I shouldn’t use the site to discuss my personal fantasies, especially in a horrible twisting of a British accent in type? How dare you! Censorship!!!