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Theater of Pain

Theatre_of_Pain.jpgI know I’ve been tasked with taking care of our liberal female readership this afternoon, but when one of our colleagues over on Pajiba has besmirched the good name of Tommy Lee, it just won’t do to let it stand without adequate rebuttal.

As TMZ reported, Motley Crue — the fourth best hair band of all time (1. Bon Jovi; 2. Def Leppard; 3. Poison) is suing their former business manager, Carl Stubner, and management group for allegedly giving the band bad business advice. According to lawsuit:

Stubner forced Tommy Lee to “to become engaged in ‘reality’ projects that were bad career moves for Lee, harming [Sixx, Mars, Neil and Lee], the Motley Crue brand and Lee’s own image.” The suit calls the low-rated NBC show “Tommy Lee Goes to College” a “critical disappointment and a ratings disaster,” adding it painted Lee as “incoherent, lazy and incompetent” and made him “look like a laughing stock who could not carry a drum beat.” The suit also claims Lee’s participation on “Rock Star: Supernova” “diminished the public’s interest in Lee and their overall perception of his musical talents.”

As a result, the suit claims, Motley Crue lost out on over $8 million that the band would’ve made had it not had to cancel tour dates because of scheduling conflicts with Lee’s reality projects.

Which brings me to the statement that Litelysalted had the audacity to write over on Yeeeah!

The only reason why anyone (aside from 39 year old dishwashers living in their mom’s basements) gives a flying shit about Motley Crue or Tommy Lee is because he married a playmate, made a sex tape, and most likely contracted Hep-C.

What? Now, hang on a second. Back the fuck up. Clearly, Litely, you weren’t of age between 1981-89, because in addition to Hep C and a marriage to Heather Locklear, Tommy Lee used to be able to — hang on to your hat — twirl his drumsticks, throw them in the air like a baton, and catch them, at least half the time. Can you do that? No. I didn’t think so. Also, from his drumset at the back of the stage, he could spit beer 15-20 feet into the crowd (I ought to know — I got spat upon more times than I care to remember). Not just any gangly-ass, VD-ridden, drugged-up has-been drummer could once spew Bud Light that far. And the band was responsible for the most romantic song of the entire 80s: “She Goes Down.”

Damn, Litely — you just don’t appreciate talent, do you?

[I would personally put the Crue as the number one hair band of all time, but that difference aside, I wholly join Dustin in his public scolding of Litely - shame on you, woman. Shame. On. You. —Seth]

| Comments (3)


Take your medicine, boys. $8 million on lost tour revenue?! Come on! These farts would be lucky if they could fill 50-person venues at Insert Name Of Stank-Ass Bar Here.

Although now I know of at least two chuckleheads who would be front and center. ;)

Would be front and center? How about have been front and center. More than once. God bless the USA and God bless the Crue. (And what in the hell do you have against Stank Ass bars?)

What do I have against Stank Ass bars?! C'mon, Seth... Don't tell me you forgot my "dead body" story already!