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The Firecrotch and Other Burning Legal Items

lohan.jpgCelebrity legal news runs amok today, as we have three Hollywood bits to run, not including the lawsuit Vince Vaughn filed as what can only cynically be thought of as a conspiratorial strategy to use the legal system to hide his French-kiss philandering.

First up, celebrity Firecrotch and the blogging world’s favorite gored-out punching bag was served papers in an unusual hiding spot on Friday — the red carpet. Indeed, while attending the Annual American Cinematheque Award honoring George Clooney, Lohan was approached by what she thought was an autograph seeker, only to be met with a subpoena. The lawsuit in question was brought by a couple of men who were purportedly promised managing rights to Lohan’s music career, only to have those rights given away to Tommy Mottola. The suit seeks several thousand dollars for fraud, theft, and violation of contract. No one has yet filed the inevitable lawsuit seeking damages for the noise pollution wrought by Lindsay’s two albums, however.

Cameron Diaz was also in the news, after a photographer lost his appeal following his conviction for forgery and theft. John Rutter took nude photos of Diaz when she was only 19, and later sought to extort $3.5 million from the untalented actress. Clearly, Rutter would’ve had a better shot seeking damages for emotional distress and loss of consortium after having to see Diaz in the buff.

Finally, Wesley Snipes who, by my recollection, hasn’t made a decent flick since 1991’s New Jack City, was indicted today on eight counts of fraud, after he was accused of cheating the government out of $12 million is false refunds. What’s more, the Blade star didn’t file a tax return between 1999 and 2004. However, Snipes did file an amended return for one year, in which he listed zero income and asked for a $7.4 million refund. He faces up to 16 years in prison. It is not, however, Snipes’ first run in with the law. In the past, he has been accused of beating Halle Berry; he has tried to skip out on a paternity lawsuit that was eventually dismissed; and he tried to get into South Africa with fake passport documents. If convicted, Snipes will not be missed.

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Oh come now, Blade I & II were fun. In fact, Blade II could almost be called good, although even Snipes was clearly embarrassed by Blade III, not that I saw it or anything...