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Said the cow to the reporter: “It tastes like pork”

dont-have.jpgWhat. The. Christ? So this asshat cop in Jersey was arrested last month along with his ex-girlfriend for allegedly sexually assaulting three young girls. And now former officer Robert Melia has some new charges to add to the four pending sexual assault charges. Additional investigation has led to four counts of animal cruelty because, you guessed it, Melia had himself some cow loving back in 2006.

The part you may not have guessed is that he had the cow perform fellatio on him.

I’m just … I’m just so confused. I don’t get sexually assaulting young girls. And I really don’t get trying to get your sexual moooooooves on with a cow (see what I did there?). But I so totally do not get sticking your yum-yum in a cow’s mouth. I mean … I just died a little inside.

“Don’t have a cow man” just took a totally new meaning.

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Comments

Maybe it was a misunderstanding; maybe he was the victim of a plot to have his wiener bitten off in front of his favorite band.

Geetch, I love you for that reference.

You've obviously never seen Top Secret!