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Rats! Foiled Again.

da1418e2112904009229569.gifA woman in Wisconsin, trying to make a quick buck, claimed that she found a rat in her entree and threatened to call the media on the restaurant if they didn’t pony up half a million dollars.

The catch: The restaurant sent the rat for testing, which revealed that the damn thing was a white, lab rat, not a wild one. Also: It had been cooked in a microwave, and that particular restaurant didn’t use microwaves.


The woman is being charged with extortion.

The lesson: Always flame broil your rats.

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This reminds me of a Rumpole of the Bailey episode I recently saw on a DVD borrowed from my local public library. The episode is called Rumpole a la Carte (1991)

In it (also available in book form), Rumpole agrees to defend a snotty restaurateur when a live mouse jumps out from one of his gourmet meals.

Of course, Rumpole would agree that even the extortionist Rat Lady deserves legal representation. In the story, the restaurant owner wants to toss Rumpole out for ordering something as low-class as kidney pudding, but then comes to ask Horace to defend him against the planted mouse. Here's what happened:

Jean Pierre O'Higgins: What do you say then, Mr. Horace Rumpole? Will you take me on?

Horace Rumpole: Well, I'll have to think about that.

Jean Pierre O'Higgins: Be honest. Is it my personality that makes you hesitate? Do you find me objectionable, Mr. Rumpole?

Horace Rumpole: Mr. O'Higgins, I find your restaurant pretentious and your portions skimpy. Your customers regale themselves in a dim religious atmosphere more fitting to evensong than a good night out. I find you an opinionated and self-satisfied bully. However, unlike you, I am on hire to even the most unattractive customer.