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It’s hard out here for a Philly fan

f-da-eagles.jpgAs I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I’m an Eagles fan. And at the moment, I’m a bit of an angry and disappointed Eagles fan, which I’m sort of used to at this point - if Eagles fans weren’t left with a disappointing end to their team’s football season, it would be like dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria! (You can read this sad “annual feature” explaining the Five Stages of Eagles Grief to understand my pain and misery a little more.)

Anyway, as an Eagles fan, it’s my god-given right to hate all players on the New York Giants. But even if I didn’t have to hate the Giants, I’d hate their defensive end, Michael Strahan, anyway. He’s a gap-toothed son of a bitch. And that’s why I love this story so much, a story which helps to ease the pain of an Eagles’ Saturday night post-season defeat.

See, Strahan is separated from his wife, Jean Strahan, who he married in 1999. They’ve been fighting in court over money because, surprise, Strahan has been trying to jip her out of the money their prenuptial agreement says she’s entitled to. That agreement says that she is supposed to get 50% of their joint marital assets plus 20% of his yearly income from each year they were married. He tried to claim that he didn’t need to pay her that 20% because she didn’t ask for it each year. Which sounds like a pretty stupid, bullshit argument to me.

And the judge agreed, basically calling Strahan a big fat liar. He said that Strahan was “not credible in his claim that [his ex-wife] never asked for her separate funds.” See: “not credible” equals “big fat liar” equals “gap-toothed son of a bitch.” I told you!

So now Strahan has to pay his ex-wife $15.3 million dollars, in addition to hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support, which is more than half of his net worth. Fantastic. Couldn’t make me happier. And couldn’t make Jean Strahan happier either, apparently. Says her lawyer: “She’s grateful to the court.” Gee, you think?

…And I totally feel this guy’s NSFW rant. I feel you buddy: