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In an Intelligence Test with America, Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne Win

dumber.jpgYou want further evidence of the dumb and dumbering of America? Well, according to a new Zogby poll, 77 percent of Americans can identify 2 of the Seven Dwarfs, while only 24 percent can name two of the Supreme Court justices. Can you freakin’ believe that? Only 77 percent of Americans can identify two of the Seven Dwarfs?! How dumb and/or oblivious do you have to be to escape your entire childhood without a passing knowledge of Snow White? She’s got more movies, books, and licensing deals than Harry Potter and Donald Duck combined.

Oh, and yeah: I’m not terribly surprised that only 24 percent of Americans can identify two Supreme Court justices. I mean, there’s no sex appeal in old men in robes deciding the fate of our legal system - if there are no nipple slips or drunken parties involved, it’s hard to get worked up about remembering nine of the most important members of the U.S. citizenry. Not surprising, however, Clarence Thomas was the most oft cited Justice, thanks largely to a pubic hair and coke can. Antonin Scalia, the Paris Hilton of the Supreme Court, ranked second, which is no shock given his penchant for esoterically flipping the bird.

Of course, given the fact that only 24 percent of Americans can identify two Supreme Court justices (and only 11 percent knew of Samuel Alito), it’s not hard to believe that our education system has gone so awry that women think that their babies should be ingesting illegal drugs. Seriously, there are two cases in the news today about that very subject. In one, an Ohio woman had to spend the night in jail after her one-year-old child tested positive for cocaine. And in the other, a woman is facing a third trial on murder charges after she allegedly breast-fed her baby methamphetamine-laced milk. I’m guessing that neither one of those mothers could identify a single Supreme Court Justice, but I bet they know who the Seventh Dwarf is: Shit-Faced.